The molecular formula for table sugar, or sucrose, is C12H22O11.
The chemical formula for carbon dioxide is CO2.
(The formula to explain the mind of a toddler…….. research/studies are pending)
But here are a few scientificy words that may help better understand what goes on in the minds of these miniature rebels…. i mean geniuses.
1. Cerebral Blackhole Vortex:
This part of your toddler’s brain is responsible for taking what it said by a parental figure through the ears, while then sucking it deep down where it has no hope of ever reaching other parts of the brain. Parts of this brain are functioning properly when you tell your toddler it’s time for bed and they proceed to go to their room and bring out more toys.
2. Cerebral Probetex:
This is the part of a toddler’s brain that most wish they could sometimes deactivate or check their medical insurance for coverage to have it surgically removed. When this part of the brain becomes activated, so does the lessons in childproofing, but this cerebral part of the brain also ensures parents get enough exercise each day as well as sharpen their reactions and impulses.
3. Cerebal Globaltex:
This part of a child’s brain is switched on to active usually just before you head out on a cold, wet or snowy day. It’s what makes them think they’re impermeable to any sort of rain and find no need for a jacket, coat, hat or gloves in any way. Unfortunately, have yet to discover why this part of the brain doesn’t stop the continuous whining when they are miserably wet and cold only a few minutes later.
4. Cerebral Moretex:
Evidence of this repetitive part of the brain is one that many parents see when raising a toddler. Often times, this will be witnessed during times of play for when the parent or fun adult playmate are engaging in a physical activity that raises laughter & great excitement within the child & the child says “More!”; and even after telling the toddler; “One more time” or “This is the last time” – the activity is repeated, at the very least, 10 more times.
5. Cerebral Floortex:
This is the part of a child’s brain that is responsible for pasta pouting, the act of dropping to the floor like a wet noodle when asked to do something they don’t want to do.
Although there is no actual formula to explain the mind of a toddler, there is a formula that can explain the toddler alone.
M(e) + Y(o)u = L0(v)e
I’m not much of a science geek – but I believe this is my favorite equation!!!
Wow!!! Thank you for the nomination, MommyTrainingWheels!!! I am so incredibly humbled and honored!!!
When you first announce to everyone the good news that you are expecting, one of the most echoed comments that is said countless times, is how your life is about to totally change. Some of the changes you can prepare for, some of them are changes that no one…not even you expected & some changes aren’t even discovered until a couple of years pass & reality hits you with moments of “Oh crap. I’m my mother” Not saying that is a bad thing! I love my mom & (well, its quite obvious) she did a good job raising myself and my sister – so no disrespect; but I know she had that moment of realization too and I think its safe to say, she had that little part of her that also said “Oh crap. I’m my mother”.
Once everyone kept telling me “You’re whole life is about to change” the first thought in my head was “ya think?!” or “no duh!!!” but literally… there are things you don’t even think about or instinctively do (or your body just does) that can make another mom spot a mom easily no matter how big the crowd. Here are 15 ways that I’ve changed since becoming a Mommy.
15 Ways I’ve Changed Since Becoming A Mommy
*** Bonus: My heart is now walking around outside of my body and I wouldn’t change it for anything!!!
You would think that one of the responsibilities of being a mother is to teach my young daughter about life and how to make it through. Yes I try my best to teach her what I know (which I will admit, isn’t much) but I can definitely make it so I seem like I know what I am doing… most of the time…. occasionally…. probably not.Here I am worrying about what I am suppose to be teaching my daughter and making sure she understands all of life lessons, when I am still learning & often don’t understand life lessons myself. In fact – the little diapered butt, high pitched squealing dimpled smile stinker is my little life lesson guru.
1. Get so excited about life, you poop yourself!! Every time my daughter’s favorite TV show comes on, no matter how many times she has seen the episode, she squeals, gets so excited & jumps up and down! Every morning she is laughing in her room, until I come get her & when she plays with her toys or reads a book, she just has so much expression – you can’t help but have a huge grin on your face! (Note: If you are potty trained – please refrain from pooping yourself. It was just an expression)
2. Set a goal and follow through with it (no matter how hard or the distance) Toddlers figure out something that they want and they set a goal to get it; no matter how high it is, how far away it is, how dangerous it might be & definitely not how big of a mess it could make. Whether its the bag of Goldfish crackers on the kitchen counter or Mommy’s cellphone that she keeps locking – toddlers will find a way (and quite often are successful)
3. Question everything (except this blog) We all know (parents or not) that toddlers LOVE to ask questions! Yes they may get exhausting at times but what did we do in school when we were trying to learn something? We asked questions! We asked questions to learn & questions led to answers. Do you understand? Are you getting this? What are you doing? Why? Why?
4. There’s convenience in destruction Yes, you read it right! You build something, a toddler knocks it down. Your toddler takes all of your pots/pans & sets them up like mines in your kitchen. You color a perfect (not even a tiny mark out of line), detailed, accurately shaded, best coloring job ever completed coloring page of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger playing with a balloon & a toddler adds their bright pink scribble all over your genius work of art. (just an example…..) Take these simple little “undoings” & make them creative moments. Spread the blocks around & have your toddler sort them by color/size. Take the pots/pans & play music! The coloring pages…. buy your toddler their own coloring book & color when they go to bed.
5. Don’t dwell on a little bump/bruise When a toddler falls, trips or does whatever causing them to get that big enormous knot (that we, as parents, make a point to tell each & every person we know about the incident so no one thinks we are bad parents) they often let you & everyone within a 15 mile radius know they they are hurt. Two hours later…. you would think Will Smith came in a black suit & erased your child’s mind of the incident that shall now remain nonexistent. I tend to dwell on things, even things that I have no control over or things that I know can not be changed & that is not healthy for me physically, emotionally or spiritually. Stop dwelling on it, cry it out if you need to, and move on
6. Always dance – even with there is no music Take every chance you can to move!! Move it, scoot it & boot it!! Make up songs about simple daily tasks (brushing your teeth, cooking dinner, getting dressed, etc) Dance a happy little dance!! Dance the “potty dance” while you are going to the bathroom! Even make up silly songs for when you or your little one are sad, angry or tired!! It will make them feel better & you!!
7. Don’t let people tell you what to do One of the first “comebacks” children often learn is “You’re not my mom/dad. You can’t tell me what to do”. Although this is a VERY important lesson that we should agree with, especially in today’s society, its important that our children know that ultimately mommy & daddy are the people you should always listen to. As adults we often worry what others will think, say or do based on what we do; yet who knows us better than ourselves? If you honestly believe in something or know that doing something is the best for you (& your child of course) then do it!! True family & friends may not agree but will support you 100% & if they ended up being right, they wouldn’t dare say “Told you so”. It is extremely important, however, that our children know there are people in our lives that are important for mommies & daddies to listen to as well (that aren’t “our mommy/daddy”. (Such as; Teachers, Managers/Boss, Doctor, Firefighters, the U.S. Government & Police). Imagine the reaction/shock from a police officer if they pulled you over for speeding & your response was “YOU’RE NOT MY DADDY! YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” then drove off. I think its safe to say, you wouldn’t be getting an apology letter from Officer P. Issed anytime soon.
One thing I have realized while packing things and moving my daughter, my little pup as well as myself in to a new place….. I have the amazing ability & skills-manship to make up news words. Believe me, I am as shocked as you are and think it’s fair to say, I’m quite impressed with myself. (Also worried) These words were created as packing, stuffing & cramming things in boxes occured, while successfully limiting any harsh vocabulary that would have been within hearing distance of my lovely little princess.
Mother Packer – A stressed & overwhelmed mom who is packing boxes to move Foogle-Doogle – Word used to tell an inanimate object to squeeze itself it the box Absoludicrous – Absolutely ridiculous Laughgasm – Laughing until your stomach hurts and you are in tears Winky-Dinky – (is not what it sounds) also means coincidence; see also Cowinky-dinky Fidiot – a f****ing idiot Whatsacomidigo – Can’t take credit for this one – but credit goes to Craig Ferguson when they bleep out naughty words
Moving Progress: Last final items should be moved in today and I should be able to be in my own place by tonight! (I probably would have been in sooner but this “newly independent” daughter/mother didn’t want too much help from others… although I don’t know how I had planned on moving a 52″ TV or a bookshelf all by myself….. Sometimes I think I tend to take the “Independent Step” a little too big of a step. But then other times I end up taking baby steps and its not enough…. Guess I have to work on more than just putting on my “big girl panties” and put on my “big girl shoes/heels”
While the Ex-LAPD officer has the entire LAPD on a massive hide-and-seek game (and so far is winning), I can’t help but think my problems are greatly miniscule compared to what is going on with them right now. Especially because on Day 3 of the “game”, the LAPD was literally shooting anything that was relatively close to them & had a face. They are “working so hard” to prove that they are not the LAPD that this man intricately described in his 6,000 manifesto, yet instead are actually giving the public the impression that the only prerequisites to be hired on to the LAPD are to be breathing, be 18 or older & preferably (but not required) have the intelligence of a peanut.
That being said, my progression to find an apartment, get packed and moved into a place I literally (& legally) can call my own is quite high, when comparing it to that of the LAPD’s. (Meaning – I found an apartment & have 3 boxes packed)
Don’t give me that look!! At least I found something that I was looking for…..
Regardless, I hate to admit but its really hard for me to get off of work (at my full time job, 5 days a week, 9 hour days) and find the energy & strength to go through all of my stuff as well as my daughters & taking half of the items in the house & then pack it all in boxes. Did I mention that I am usually doing this with my almost 2 year old daughter around? (AKA – We play the game called “In/Out”. Rules are simple: Mommy puts things in boxes, daughter takes them out. And its quite obvious that she is clearly winning)
I have to admit – it isn’t quite helping either when my still legally titled husband continuously ask me what my plans are for getting out of the house by this weekend. (Really makes you feel cared for, doesn’t it?) Or when we get in fights, words get brought up like “How’s packing and getting out of the house coming?”, “Any closer to moving out, yet?”, “I want you out of my house by this Saturday & if you’re not, then you need to find someone to stay with”. DON’T FORGET…. He still “cares about me, loves me & wants so desperately to work on this marriage”. (yes this is the same person who, over the weekend, called me a “lying deceitful little bitch”, “stupid ass bitch”, “disrespectful tramp” as well as told me to “shut the fuck up” or “shut my stupid fucking mouth” 4 times.
Again I am the first one to admit that I am not a perfect person and I have done my fair share to put us where we are at this time, but am I crazy to think that it seems somewhat silly that someone is saying things like this to me yet wants to “work on our relationship” & has the strong intent to work on the marriage?
I can usually block out what is said to me and let it roll off, with little to no effect from me… but when it comes from someone that I can not just totally delete from my life…. I find I have to rely on my friends & family to be the ones to lift me back up. But half the time I dont want to bother my friends with this or he gets mad at me for telling people what is all going on – so I end up crying and putting myself to sleep, to wake up to another day, put a smile on my face for my daughter and to hide from others what is really going on behind closed doors. And then, most of the time, I’m either getting phone calls at work, negative/accusing emails or texts sent to me & the latest one…. (even after I could tell something was wrong & asking him if he was mad and he said no) writing a username on our porch out of chalk (twice) that he assumed was me. (Only after he went on Google, looked up a friend of mine’s Twitter handle – saw that he hadn’t tweeted in awhile – then proceeded to go through his friend list and I assume saw one that he thought could be mine and instead of simply asking me about it – he decided to lie to me about everything being okay, then not even 10 minutes later writing that on the back porch.) THEN got mad when I called and asked him about it…. Really?
Please please PLEASE – someone tell me I am not the one that is losing my mind or being irrational. But be honest…. I can take it. I just need to know. Am I actually progressing on into the real world – or am I an LAPD officer that is simply focused on the bad guy and hurting other people around me?
Honestly….. Where can I find a beautiful wooded forest & how can I get in contact with Betty White? I think some serious meditation is needed. (If the reference is unclear…. you MUST see The Proposal!!)
This weekend was literally a blur for me and has been the last few weekends. That’s when I am home more & I am more “accessible” for ridicule, blame, guilt & anything else. And when it comes to just wanting to get out of the house to simply go to the park, go get ice cream or walk around the mall – I can’t afford it because I have to save my gas so I am able to get to work.
Luckily – I finally stepped it up this weekend and put my big girl panties on! (Not the granny panties that you pull up to your belly button and can buy at Wal-mart….. but the panties that don’t have any cartoon characters on them or are labeled with the days of the week)
All my stress, worry & fear of what I was going to do about getting an apartment, paying for it, and how I was going to do this all within a good week or 2 time frame…. GONE! Simply gone!! I literally had the last straw over a heated argument with my ex and literally broke down, bawling my eyes out and called to talk about it with my parents and I kept apologizing to them that I was asking for help & that I couldn’t do it on my own and all I kept getting from them was “Of course, they would help!!” & “Why didn’t you say something before?!!”
I would attempt to put the blame on stress from my daughter, getting settled at my new job, and fear from getting ridiculed from my now separated from husband but ultimately the blame didn’t (& shouldn’t) fall anywhere but on myself. I even had my best friend of 23 years literally get on to me and tell me that if I didn’t “put on my big girl panties and ask my parents for help, she was going to call and ask them for me”. Being my “sister from another mister” she kept reminding me – your parents would be disappointed if they knew how much stress your under & how scared you are to ask for help. Think about it if this were your daughter in 26 years! Wouldn’t you want her to be able to come to you about anything!?”
Once she said that – that little light in my head clicked on. (It definitely flickered a little bit from not being used for awhile) but nonetheless, it came on. I called my parents and now all I have to worry about is getting stuff packed up, filling out an application for the apartment and getting moved in.
So get ready….. here we go!!! I got my big girl panties on & I’m ready to take on this new adventure. (Warning: There are going to be wedgies along the way! – some big ones and some that are the kind that you can do a little dance in your seat or a simple booty shake to adjust) Either way, they are on and ready to go. (I packed extra in case there is some serious crap that goes down….)